Recently a mother at my daughter's daycare gave birth at 32 weeks. I didn't know much about her before now except that her daughter and mine are besties with crush on one of the boys at daycare. So when the daycare guru told me the news I tried to comb my memory for what she looked like although I knew her daughter. I needed to picture her face so that I could keep her in my mind as I thought positive thoughts surrounding her situation. By all accounts at this point her preemie son is doing well and mak...
So many people have asked why I am not in therapy or a member of a support group. Their concerns are warranted but don't apply to my grief. I am honored by their concern but each person's grief belongs to them and it's up to the individual how they deal with it.In all honesty, my therapy is here, Angel Steps. I blog honestly and people connect with what I write. Through my blog I am able to release my inner most musings, no holds barred, and in rough times I have an outlet to express the darkest of feeli...
I speak to my son almost daily and he answers me.After losing Trey, I eventually envisioned him holding the hand of a small child.Every time I do envision him in Heaven he is the same age as he would be on Earth.I believe when he got to Heaven God told him to take his time and find the soul of his sibling.I know in my heart that he greets every Angel Child that enters Heaven.I know that there is a bond between us now that I feel guilty about not having while he was here.He served his purpose so that I co...
Like all of us, I did not ask to be here,I live here.I didn't choose to transfer here, I was chosen,I live here.I didn't move here, I was stationed here,I live here.My large house of a life feels like an efficiency,I live here.I don't like my residence but I can't leave,I live here.Everything on the outside of my abode is gorgeous,I live here.I amrenovating constantly,I live here.The chores never end,I live here.When the property value in my home goes down,I live here.The decor may change but theambiance...
I pride myself on being happy for those who become pregnant after loss and/or infertility. I rejoice in the news and await the birth of a healthy thriving baby. Recently I was conflicted by a different situation. A friend who was essential to whatever ease I could have in the wake of losing Trey. I can never fathom the thanks she deserves for her contribution to our tragic situation. So when she told me she was pregnant, every cell in my body leaped with joy. I asked her how long she had been trying and ...
Take out the romantic part of this and I am sure all of my fellow Angel Parents can relate: I don't know what I've doneOr if I like what I've begunBut something told me to runAnd honey you know me it's all or noneThere were sounds in my headLIttle voices whisperingThat I should go and this should endOh and I found myself listening'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without youAll I know is that I shouldAnd I don't know if I could stand another hand upon youAll I know is that I should'Cos she will love ...
I don't normally listen to Phil Collins but tonight it was on the Ipod that I was listening to while bathing Lorelei. I always try to listen something I love but I also love to gravitate toward other artists I see on the playlists. I've always loved Phil Collins, I grew up listening to his music. Per usual, I connected with a song, not one but two. Of course they are about romantic love but my mind as an Angel Mommy translated them TOTALLY differently. One more night, one more nightI've been trying, oh s...
Music has always been a part of my life. I was born into a musical spirited family with harmony and my Aunt Melody (true story). Music continues to be therapy, solace, an outlet, a discovery, a calming, an instigator, and a journey. I have always felt meaning in so many tunes, mainly my favorites. I don't like music with trite lyrics and overused metaphors. I love music that reaches me, teaches me, connects with me and makes me think.Lately I have been discovering that new songs that I once loved are bei...
I found myself feeling very lonely in regards to my son through the holiday season. I usually feel him around me most of the time and I know when he's listening so I talk to him. I love talking to him. He often tells me things I don't want to hear but he's always right. Except he wasn't there during the bitter sweetness of the holidays. At first I thought he was away to keep my mind off of him. When Christmas came and went I found the 26th a very heavy day, not really knowing why. Upon thinking on it, ...
We are fortunate that our Rainbow Baby is healthy but on the few occasions when she is not, my entire being is rocked to the core. At about 5 months old she had a cold which I treated at home the way my mom did. My brother and I hardly went to the doctor for the common cold, we were treated at home with rest, vitamins, Vicks vapor rub, and chicken noodle soup. Throughout my life I have followed the sameregimen with everyone in my household. I applied the same to my daughter and her spirit, appetite, and ...
