Today I paid a visit to my high school friends who have a 14 month old at the very hospital that Trey earned his wings. I had hoped to never be there again yet my husband I went there briefly to deliver the toiletries that we collected for the families who stay there with the kids. It was so hard back in April when we were there even to be in the waiting room but my calling was greater today.My friends has a son in April of 2012 who was born with a heart problem. Most recently, they have been with him at... read more »
So the number 4 creeps into my life once again with it's tail between it's legs. During the time of Trey's short life, the number 4 resonated, from his time of birth to his time of passing. Everything was connected to the number 4. My lucky number has always been 5 but 4 trumped it in the depths of our grief.This year, Trey would have been 4 and this year he had hi 4th Angelversary. At this point we are a family of 4, John and I and our 2 children. Months ago I decided that I wanted to try for another ba... read more »
When Trey was transferred to Egleston Children's Hospital, the hospital gave us a room to stay in so we could be near our son. We didn't have any toiletries to get ourselves freshen up with so we had to call on family and friends to bring us items to clean up with.For this year's service project, I asked loved ones to collectUNOPENED toiletries to donate to the hospital so that parents can have less to worry about and will be able to freshen up and take care of themselves in a difficult situation such as... read more »
I was awoken this morning, Trey's 4th Birthday, by an alert on my phone. The sound of the thunder and rain had me believing that I would be looking at some sort of weather warning. As it turns out, it was an Amber Alert, meaning a child is missing.I tried to go back to sleep but thesignificanceof the day ping ponged through my mind. It seems like 4 years ago all of these memories were a blur. When these specialanniversariescome around there is a constant movie, a play by play of sorts, that provides the ... read more »
John and I still bathe with our daughter, John usually has her in the shower and I in the bath. The past two days she has had a fever so I had to stay home with her today, my husband can't pick her up due to spinal surgery almost a month ago. We have lived in our home for 4 1/2 years and I know the ins and outs of our home so it surprised when the cold drip that comes from the nozzles of the shower affected me. Per usual, I was singing along with the IPod hoping my daughter would inherit the same love on... read more »
12 days from now is Trey's 4th Birthday, 13 days after that is his Angel Day.25 days seems like a long time compared to the short time we had with our son. It seems like a lifetime to me, a time I wish would pass quickly and peacefully. Usually the time passes much easier than this and I often expect for each year to get better. This has been a shitty year for me to say the least. The hammer has dropped at work, Lorelei is a savant in the terrible 2's (which is not a problem for me but it tries my husban... read more »
"Actions speak louder than words."We have all heard it before and usually post it in our brains. But when the situation arises, we hold up on our high horse with the statement.I myself have very much had my fill of words simply being air in the midst of robust actions. Sometimes people don't know what they are saying and that's forgivable, they mean no harm. But, there is that adage that says:"People won't remember what you did. People won't remember what you said. But people will always remember the way... read more »
I have always been a numbers person. Some time ago I wrote a post about the number connections surrounding our journey. Before we lost Trey, my favorite number was five, although I always eat candies in 2's. The volume of ANY electrical device HAS to be a multiple of 5. Tips at restaurants are given based on multiples of 5. I have always wanted three children, a family of five. At the time of my pregnancy, we had 4 animal children and were expecting or human child, 5 kids in all. The warmth and connectio... read more »
I am still friends with many of my high school friends, some more intense than others. When Trey passed, so many people I knew from high school on Facebook reached out to me, including those friends who I had lost contact with. It was such a bittersweet blessing that brought so many people so close together. Two of the friends I reconnected with fell in love and married. They had a daughter who had a rare condition that caused one half of her body to grow faster than the other which I am sure has had i... read more »
So many people have asked why I am not in therapy or a member of a support group. Their concerns are warranted but don't apply to my grief. I am honored by their concern but each person's grief belongs to them and it's up to the individual how they deal with it.In all honesty, my therapy is here, Angel Steps. I blog honestly and people connect with what I write. Through my blog I am able to release my inner most musings, no holds barred, and in rough times I have an outlet to express the darkest of feeli... read more »
